Monday, September 9, 2013

The Art of Letting Go.....again.

This has been a year of letting go.

My 'baby' got her drivers license.


My sweet boy moved out. Not just out, but out to California. 

And, THEN:

My little girl left the nest and moved an hour away. 

Yes, this has been a year of letting go and it has been bittersweet to say the least. There is an internal kicking and screaming that is nearly constant while I continue to experience His peace that surpasses all understanding. It is an incredible paradox that only a parent understands--if it is possible to understand at all. 

The art of letting go. It is a never ending chapter in the book of our lives. Some pages are harder to read than others, but they are all necessary to get to the final chapter....the happily ever after. 

Thank You, Lord...for my children. For allowing me to be their mom and for walking alongside us as we navigate this new season in our lives. I love You. 

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Slow Fade...

Fighting those voices tonight.

You know the ones.

The ones that tell me I'm not good enough. The ones that tell me nobody likes me. You know, the ones that are the loudest and seem to drown out the Voice of Truth.

Ugh! They irritate me. A lot. OK, well, they don't irritate me. I irritate me. The voices are just doing what the voices do--steal, kill, destroy. They are acting in their nature and doing what comes natural. I, however, know better. I know they are lies. I know they have set out to destroy. Yet, I continue to give them power. Yep! I'm irritated with me!

This is where the slow fade begins. The slow fade that Casting Crowns sings such a passionate warning about. The slow fade that causes you to go from feeling like a beautiful, confident, woman of Christ to a horrible mother, daughter, friend, Christian.

 "When black and white have turned to gray. Thoughts invade..." 

So, I am going to the Word for some Truth. I am going to silence these voices with the one only thing that can--God's Word. His Truth. The one only place I can go and see myself clearly. Not through my own eyes. Not through the eyes of the world. Through the eyes of the One who created the world. Through the eyes of the One who had me in mind when He sent His Son to die for me. The One who calls me His. El Roi. The One who sees me. Who really sees me. And, the One who removes the veil from my eyes to see Him in me.

Monday, February 18, 2013


If you would have asked me about cakes 3 years ago--I would have told you that I loved them and Hyvee had one of the best cakes around. 3 years later--Heather and I are making them. WHAT?! I am amazed at how God works. Baking has never been my thing, but He used the spark of creativity in my 'bestie' to ignite a flame in both of us. And, this is the result.....pure yummy-ness!

Hyvee makes cakes??? :) 

"Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."-Psalm 37:4

Rest for the Weary

For the past 11 years I have been single. While I have not always viewed that as a blessing, over the last 7 years I have come to understand that my gift of singleness is exactly that--a gift. However, there are definitely times when I miss having an 'earthly' husband.

One day, a few years ago, I was talking with a good friend of mine and she was lamenting about the busyness of her schedule. She had a habit of taking on more than she should--much like me and most of the women I know. Then, she said that her husband had told her that she was not allowed to take on any additional projects and that she needed to cut a few out. My fleshy, rebellious, brought up by the world heart immediately thought, "Ugh! I'm glad I don't have a man to tell me what I can or cannot do!" But, I just smiled and nodded and told her how fortunate she was to have a husband that cared enough to hold her accountable. Fast forward a few years later.....

I have thought of that conversation many times over the last several years. And, as I have grown in my relationship with Jesus and learned to take those worldly, rebellious thoughts captive, I have often found myself wishing I did have a husband to help me keep my schedule in check. Someone to hold me accountable. Someone to tell me, "Hey, we want you at home more. Your family is your first ministry and you need to learn to say "No!". Someone to clear my schedule.

My last class, Public Speaking in Ministry, was extremely challenging for me. Not only do I loathe speaking in public, but I had to actually give a sermon. And, not just a sermon, but a sermon that stuck to the outline the professor gave us. I felt as though I was trying to make a circle fit into a square peg. On top of that, in the middle of the class, I came down with the flu. The week before my sermon was due, I was spending some time with some dear friends. I was lamenting to them about my schedule. Between work, making cakes, homeschooling, and everything else--I had no idea how I was going to get this sermon done. I knew that in order to write it, I was going to have to find some quiet time with God. And, when you live in a house with 7 people--well, quiet time is not so easily found. One of my friends graciously offered me her apartment to come study in, but when was I going to find the time to do that? Remember that husband I was grateful not to have? I needed him. Right now. And, He showed up!

While I am with these precious sisters, I get a text message from the woman I nanny for--her son has the flu and she is staying home with him the next day so she can take him to the doctors. My packed schedule just became a lot more open. But, I knew I still had to pick up the kiddos Samantha nanny's for since Sam had school on Monday's. Then, I receive another text--"You don't have to pick up kids tomorrow. "L" is off." I sat in awe as I realized--my Husband cleared my schedule.

Immediately, I was humbled. I had never gone to Jesus and asked Him to clear my schedule--I went to girlfriends and cried out instead. But, He heard me. He knew I needed that time with Him. And, as always--He provided for me. Proving, yet again, that I may be single, but I am not alone. I may not have a tangible, earthly husband, but I have a Husband. A Husband who gives me rest when I am weary.

Thank You, Jesus. I love You so.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  
                                          -Matthew 11:28-30