Monday, May 31, 2010

New Blog...

OK! I know I have absolutely no business trying to do two blogs when I stink at keeping one, but since I consider my blog to be an alter to God and a legacy for my children, I really wanted a blog that chronicles my journey into youth ministry. So, I started this.....

This blog will be centered around the lessons I am learning as I travel the road God has paved for me. Over the next four years there will be times the road is smooth and times the road is full of bumps--and I don't want to miss a thing. For I know in every joy and every struggle God is using it all to shape me into the woman He has called me to be.

Soli Deo Gloria.....

Friday, May 28, 2010

Hope for the Future...

On May 15, 2010 my baby officially graduated high school.

Two weeks later: out of town relatives are gone, decorations are put away, speeches are given, tears have been shed, and life feels like it did prior to that day. But, in my heart, I know life will never be the same.

Samantha is with her dad in California and even though I know she will be home in a few weeks, I also know that it won't be long until she is gone more than she is home and I am still trying to reconcile that thought with my heart--as my heart doesn't seem to quite grasp it, yet. However......I have found myself looking forward to the future lately.

I can't wait to see how God uses her to touch the lives of others through music and the gift of compassion He gave her. I can't wait to see if God will allow us to serve in ministry together. I can't wait to get the phone call when she says "I think I met the man I'm going to marry" and to meet my future son-in-law. And, eventually, I can't wait to meet my grandchildren. I can't wait to see how she handles being a wife and mommy and mostly, I can't wait to see her and her husband train their children in the Lord.

OK. Maybe I can wait, but because we chose to follow the Lord, I can look forward to the future. Generational sins will be broken and my children's lives will look so much different than mine. Because of the Lord there is hope for my future and the future of my children and all our generations to come. Letting go is hard. Even when I know that Sammie was never really mine to begin with, but hope makes letting go so much easier.

I wonder how I would feel if I never knew the Lord? I am guessing my world would feel like the bottom was dropping out of it. Instead, I can mourn the loss of my 'baby' while celebrating the young woman she has grown to be.

Thank You, Lord for allowing me the opportunity to raise this girl of Yours. Help me to consistently hand her over to you as I practice letting her go. Thank You for being eager to rise and show us compassion and for drawing me near to you. I fully understand that our lives have hope because of You and You alone! I love You.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Matters of the Heart

Knowing that Samantha's graduation is drawing near has definitely kept my mind preoccupied. Not only am I busy sending out invitations and planning her party, but I am also trying to squeeze in as much time with her as possible--this includes making sure I have been present at every event she is involved in. Until a couple of weeks ago when God reminded me--I still have two other children that need their mom.

Saturday, April 17th, was a very crazy day for our family. My second eldest daughter, Amber, got married (more about that later), Samantha's prom was that evening, and Josh, who is a member of the Civil Air Patrol, had a Fly In and Promotion Ceremony. Of course the wedding was a priority as I had committed to walking Amber down the aisle and with this prom being Sam's last it was also a priority. When Josh told me about the Fly In I reminded him that I needed to be at prom walk-in's that night. He looked disappointed, but when I asked him if he understood he shrugged and said it was "OK". Apparently it wasn't.

A few days later Josh and I got into an argument over something that should have been no big deal. However, Josh was very angry. He went downstairs and I went after him asking what was wrong. As he gave his book a toss he looked up at me with tears streaming down his face and replied "What does it matter anyway? You didn't even care enough to come to my C.A.P. Promotion!" OUCH! I sat down with him and hugged him. I could have made a thousand excuses, but the truth is--I had failed to recognize the importance of this event in his life because I had been completely consumed with his sister. I continued to hold him as he wept and assured him that I would pay closer attention to the things that matter to him.

I thank God for that moment every time it crosses my mind--which is often. I truly believe God brought Josh and I to that place, at that time. Josh never cries! When he gets upset about something, it typically manifests in the way of anger and we end up in a big argument until he finally tells me what is really bothering him. So, the tears streaming down his cheek stopped me in my tracks. They left me no choice but to really listen to my son's heart. It was tough to hear that I had let him down, but I wouldn't trade that moment for the world.

Thank you, Lord.