Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Going To The Chapel

Jordan has a video game called 'Harvest Moon'. It's a pretty cool game as it allows you to get a feel for what it is like to own a farm, have chores, work for money, etc. Jordan absolutely LOVES this game. Well, one of the challenges in this game is that you have to try to get 'Cliff' to marry you. You have to offer him rings, chocolates, and many other gifts to woo him (yeah, it's a little backwards). Jordan has been trying, for months, to get Cliff to marry her and he finally said 'YES'.

I wish I could begin to describe the excitement on this childs face as she told me she was getting married. Her voice squealed in delight as she made the announcement to anyone and everyone who would listen. She was absolutely 'giddy' and I am not even exaggerating. I couldn't decide if I was happy for her or disturbed because this seemed to be the highlight of her year.

The other day, as I came through the door after work, I was greeted by Jordan who was beaming with excitement:

J- "Guess What!"

Me- "What, sweetie?"
(thinking she had learned something new while schooling and couldn't wait to share it with me)

J- "I had a baby!"

Not exactly what I expected, but close.

Sunshine On A Cloudy Day

My house has been interesting lately. Lot's going on. I wish I could say it was good stuff, but unfortunately.....that hasn't been the case. BUT...God is so GOOD! It seems like every time we are in the midst of a storm He allows the sun to peek through and remind me that He is there.

My 2nd eldest daughter, Amber, has really added turmoil to our home for the past 7 months. Every day seems to bring a new issue. Sunday, things came to a head and finally exploded into a gigantic eruption of emotions, tears, and anger. It was not a good any means. I felt helpless, lost, and a failure. The devil was speaking loud and clear: If you were a better mother, this is all your fault, whatever happens to her...YOU are to blame. You know the voice. The voice that is louder than anyone else...including God's. Fortunately, God's 'still small voice' made it through and I realized I was beginning to buy the lie. I began to devour scripture and of course......the voice, the loudest voice, the most obnoxious voice....was silenced. Don't you just love that? Satan may be able to mess with me, but he cannot mess with the Lord Most High!

Monday night, Samantha, my eldest daughter, called me after work. She wanted to fill me in on her night and let me know that she had been asked out on a date. I asked who the boy was and asked if she was interested. She said 'No'. I don't know the boy well, but he seemed nice, so I asked her why. Her response was the response every Christian parent longs to hear......"He's not walking the walk, mom! He believes in God, but he doesn't love God. I want someone who is involved in church the way that I am." was music to my ears. It was a much needed ray of sunshine that reminded me that all of my efforts are not wasted.

Isn't God just AWESOME? Yeah, I think so, too!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

A Change Is Gonna Come

Have you ever felt as if something big was going to happen? Something life changing? Something that is going to move you out of your comfort zone and turn your life upside down? Me, too:)

For about a year now, God has laid something on my heart. I hesitate to share it here because wouldn't the devil love to interfere? I won't give you specifics, but I know this is from God as it is fastly becoming a passion. It consumes my thoughts. It has been a passion before, but I have always brushed it aside using the excuse of "This can't be God. It must be something I want to do".

So, sisters, I ask for your prayers as I begin to lay my desires at His feet, become obedient to His call, and wait for His timing.

I can't wait to share more with you!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Night at the Opera

Saturday, my youngest daughter, Jordan, and myself spent the day together. I had bought her Phantom of the Opera tickets for Christmas as a Christmas/Birthday present. Her birthday was Feb. 4th and we celebrated it Saturday by going to the theatre. I was so excited to take her. I had seen Phantom about 16 years ago and it was amazing. Jordan has seen the movie and loves it. She has every line of every song memorized. I couldn't wait until she saw it 'live'.

It took me a long time to purchase the tickets. One, because they were expensive and two, because I wanted to make sure we had great seats. We had gone to the Nutcracker in November at the same theatre and I carefully checked it out to make sure that when I bought tickets, she would have a good view. I finally decided on Balcony seats. There were floor seats available and Orchestra seats, but I thought the balcony would be better.

When we arrived at the theatre I could hardly wait. Jordan was excited, but I think I was more excited. The attendants were dressed in tuxedo's and it was just like you see in the movies. I am sure it was like that 16 years ago, but I really don't remember. I just remember loving the play.

We took our tickets to an attendant at the stairs and she pointed us to the elevator. She said that would be the best way to get to our seats. We stepped in, where a lovely little lady awaited. She pressed the button for balcony seating and we were off. The elevator stopped on a floor and we started to get off, but she informed us that wasn't our stop. We still had another floor to go. I began to get a little nervous as I didn't remember seeing a third floor when we came in November. The elevator stopped again and we promptly exited.

We checked in with the usher and she began to escort us to our seat. As we walked, I realized I had made a very big mistake. See, when we saw the Nutcracker we went with the Homeschool group and we were seated on the floor. Great seats. However, from the floor you can only see one balcony, which is not called a 'balcony', but a 'loge'. Behind the 'loge', too far back for you to see from the floor, is the actual 'balcony'. What I thought were great seats, soon became 'bleacher' seats at the ball park.

Did I mention there were main floor and orchestra seats available when I purchased my nose-bleed seats? I think I did, but I just wanted to drive that point home. Did I also mention that those tickets were the exact same price as my tickets??? Yeah...they were! I'm not as bitter as I sound. We had a fabulous time. Although, Jordan did inform me that the movie was better! WHATEVER!

Sunday, Samantha went with her school choir to see Phantom. I had wanted to take her, but the choir was going and she really wanted to go with them. Their tickets were only $33 a piece, so I kind of felt bad for her. I knew where she would be sitting (although mine were double that price).

When she came home Saturday night she was estatic. She loves the movie and absolutely LOVED the play. Not only that, BUT:

Sam- "Guess what mom!"
Me- "What honey?"
Sam- "We were seated right behind the Orchestra pit!"


Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentines Day!

Since I have no 'earthly' husband, you would think that Valentines Day wouldn't mean much to me. You would be right.....most years. This year is different, though. I have a desire to celebrate this day of love. Well, who wouldn't when their husband is the King of Kings? So....I have decided to list all of the reason's my 'Heavenly' husband is better than an 'earthly' husband on Valentines Day (and every other day for that matter:)

1) My Conversation Hearts don't say dumb things like 'Will you be mine?'. They say things like "you are fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14)

2) Instead of a dozen roses, He has given me an entire planet filled with trees, flowers, and wonders. (Genesis 1:1)

3) I don't have to stand in the card section for an hour looking for the 'perfect card'. He hears the whisper of my heart (Luke 16:15)

4) In lieu of a box of chocolates, He has promised me treasure in Heaven. (Matthew 6:20)

5) He doesn't bring me a stuffed bear holding a heart that say's "I love you". Instead, He gives me living, breathing creatures to enjoy......(and not have to dust:). (Genesis 1:21)

6) I don't get diamonds, but He did place the stars in the sky for me. (Psalm 19:1)

7) He gave me my favorite perfume: the Aroma of Christ (2 Corinthians 2:15)

8) We don't go out for a fancy, expensive dinner. Instead, He gives me daily bread to nourish my body and soul. (Luke 11:3)

9) He carries my burdens instead of giving me massages. (Psalm 68:19)

10) He loves me so much......He died for me. (Romans 5:8)

And, when I pick a daisy and pluck it's petals, I never have to say "He loves me not". I get to say over and over: He loves me, He loves me, He loves me, He loves me.................................

Thank you Jesus for being a faithful, loving, caring, devoted Husband. I love you!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Only Grace

Last Wednesday I shared part of my testimony with the teenagers at Xtreme Faith. It was awful. Being in front of people is definitely out of my comfort zone......and it showed. I tried to give it to God, but I continued to grab hold of it until I was, literally, sick to my stomach. I bombed. No....I really bombed. If anyone actually took anything away from my little disaster, then believe was only by the Holy Spirit. Which is how it should be.

However, I was asked if I wanted a song played at the end of my testimony and of course, since I love music, I said 'Yes'. The first song I thought of was Casting Crowns "Does Anybody Hear Her", but I decided I better pray about it. So after some prayer I felt God leading me to a song by Matthew West called "Only Grace". I had heard it on the radio and I would sing along with it, but I never really listened to the words. I decided that I better check them out. I couldn't believe what an amazing song it was. That was definitely God speaking. So I called Connie and requested this song. I have decided to post the lyrics for you....

There is no guilt here
There is no shame
No pointing fingers
There is no blame
What happened yesterday…has disappeared
The dirt has washed away
And now it's clear

There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy
and believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only grace

You're starting over now
Under the sun
You're stepping forward now
A new life has begun
Your new life has begun

An’ there's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy
and believe me…it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only grace…

And if you should fall again
Get back up, get back up
Reach out and take my hand
Get back up, get back up
Get back up again

There's only grace…
There's only love…
There's only mercy
and believe me it's enough…it’s enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There's only…
there’s only…grace…

There's only mercy
and believe me it's enough…it’s enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
And there's nothing left now
There’s only…grace……So get back up…get back up again…Get back up again.

As I got ready to leave the Sanctuary, my eldest daughter, Samantha, came up and gave me a hug. She was crying. Maybe I didn't really bomb. Maybe I spoke to just the right person. Only by His Grace.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Daily Bread

My girlfriend, Lori (@ Manna from Heaven) called me to let me know that she had received a ticket to the Women of Faith National Conference in Texas. I was so happy for her. We had attended Women of Faith conferences together and I knew how much she loved them.

Lori called me later that day while she was desperately looking for a hotel at a reasonable price and was giving me some highlights of the conference. I asked her what God was saying to her and she said: "Well, He is telling me to get back in His Word, which I already knew. I could hear Him telling me that in my living room. He didn't have to bring me to the Women of Faith Conference, so I know there is more!" We both laughed.

After Lori and I got off the phone, her words rang in my ear. I, too, have been struggling, once again, to read God's Word on a daily basis. He has been speaking loud and clear to me, too. I began to really think about it and wanted to share my thoughts with you.

I am really tired of telling my children to brush their teeth, hang up their clothes, put your shoes away, do the dishes, etc. It seems like every day of my life I am telling them the exact same things. I have's an obedience issue. They know what they are supposed to do and they are not doing's disobedience. You know where I am going....right?

I am tired of God having to tell me to be in His Word. He shouldn't have to. It's an obedience issue. It seems that He is always having to remind me. I will be attending the Women of Faith conference in March and I don't want Him to have to 'Spritiually spank' me about being in His Word. See....I know God has great plans for me, but sometimes I think those plans aren't being revealed because I am not being obedient to what He has already asked me to in His Word daily.

So, I am going to be obedient. I will be in His Word everyday. I have asked my small group to hold me accountable and now I am asking you, my blogging sisters, to hold me accountable. I will do the same for you....if you wish. It is the season of Lent and I will spend the next 40 day (and hopefully, the rest of my life) reading His Word daily.

I cannot wait to hear what God has to say to me!

Thanks Lori for sharing your 'spanking' with me. With prayer and obedience, I hope to avoid mine:) Love ya, sister!!!

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Rocky Mountain High.....

So, my eldest daughter, Samantha, left for Colorado this morning at 6am. She is going to check out Timberline Bible College.

Hmmmm.....don't think I am quite ready for this. College. Wasn't she just in grammar school? This is turning out to be a rough week between my 'newborn' turning 11 and my 16 year old checking out colleges. I think it may be time to up my daily dose of coffee:)

I know, I know............................................LET GO! Have I told you that I am not very good at that, yet?

Is it wrong to secretly hope that she decides to not go to college, stays in town, moves down to the basement (where I will charge her a modest 'rent'), falls in love with a nice Christian boy who is perfectly content to live in the basement of his crazy mother-in-laws house and thinks it would be a totally Walton experience to raise all of their children with their way over protective, crazy grandma watching their every move?

Yeah, it's probably wrong.

Clearly I have had enough coffee this morning!

And the award goes to......


Thank you Susan at joyfulmom6 for my new award. I appreciate you reading my ramblings. I hope you know how much I enjoy reading yours!!!

I have been hoarding my awards and it's time to pass 'em on. So....I am passing this "Excellent" award on to Mel @ And Why Not and Alyssa @ Simple Deeds. Stop by and say "hi" to them if you get a chance. You won't be disappointed:)

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Happy Birthday Baby.....

Yesterday my baby, Jordan, turned 11 years old. Today I find myself wondering where the time has gone. It doesn't seem possible that she is 11 years old already. She is my baby. My newborn. My last child. I think I am having delayed post partum depression:)

I often think of what my life would have been like without this child. She was not planned and to be honest, not wanted. At that time I was not a Christian and I seriously considered having an abortion. I was a single mom with two children, I had just moved from California to Iowa, and I wasn't in love with her dad. After much thought and pleading from her dad...I decided to have her. It was my hope that during the course of my pregnancy I would fall in love with this child. It didn't happen. I had a very hard pregnancy that required me to remain on bed rest for the majority of it. By the time February rolled around....I was positive my decision to have her was a huge mistake.

While most mother's are elated when the Dr. lays their newborn into their arms and they get to see their face for the first time, I could barely muster a smile. It was the first time my mom hadn't been there for the birth, I was an hour away from my other children, and I had this new little person that I didn't even want.

One night, when Jordan was about 2 weeks old, I went into my bedroom to check on her. She was sleeping peacefully in the bassinet. I sat down next to her and watched her. I studied the outline of her face, her mouth, her hands, and all of her beautiful curly hair. All of a sudden, there was a flood of emotion that swept over me and I began to uncontrollably weep. All of the love that I had hoped would come...finally did. I sat next to her crying and asking her to forgive me for not wanting her. She slept. I considered that forgiveness.

11 years later I can't imagine my life without her. She has the most infectious giggle I have ever heard. Her beautiful blue eyes sparkle with wonder as she talks of her plans to marry a farmer, travel the world as a missionary, adopt children from different countries, and become a vetrinarian so she can take care of animals. Her love for others is something I am still struggling to achieve. She is miles ahead of me. She is special.

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl......I am soooo thankful to God that you are here and He allowed me to be your mom. May all His dreams for you come true!