Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Wonderous Cross

As we enter into Holy Week I can't help but focus on the cross. The cross that I seem to lose sight of throughout the year. The cross that served as a backdrop to the most amazing event history ever recorded. The cross that my Savior clung to as He took His dying breath. The cross that I often look at and completely forget its true meaning.

I spend time with God and read His Word, but every year, at some point, I become completely complacent about the cross. Then we begin the lent season and I find myself drawing near again. And by the time we enter Holy Week I am in awe once more. Completely wrecked with emotion for the God-Man who found obedience to the Father more important than anything Satan could tempt Him with. A love so big for a world so lost. A God who stepped out of His rightful place and onto the earth just so He could tell us "I've been there! I've walked in your shoes. I know how you feel."

Tonight as I ponder the God who loved me enough to go to the cross for me, I am without words. Thank you feels so small and I love you feels so over used. So, I come to Him in silence....with a song on my heart........

And once again I look upon the cross where You died
I'm humbled by Your mercy and I'm broken inside
Once again I thank You
Once again I pour out my life.

Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the cross
Thank You for the cross, my Friend

Monday, March 8, 2010

Baby, You Can Drive My Car......

I woke up this morning to the sound of someone running down the stairs and I knew what was coming as I said "Good morning". Today is the day he had been eagerly anticipating since September 8th, 2009 and it is the day that I had been dreading since March 22, 1993. "Good morning" I heard him reply, followed quickly by "I'm gonna hop in the shower, then can we go get my license???" I smiled while replying--"I knew you were going to ask me that!"

My little boy got his license today! As we stood in line at the DMV the magnitude of it began to really hit me--my son is driving, my youngest will get her drivers permit next year, and my eldest is graduating this year. I could feel the tears begin to sting my eyes. I'm not a 'cryer' and the DMV wasn't going to be the place I started. I inhaled deeply and tilted my head back to keep the tears from falling. We finished 'business' and walked outside--and I watched my little boy drive off--without me.

Another milestone passed and one less to anticipate. Time is moving so quickly and I feel the urgency to pass on every little bit of knowledge--every nook and cranny of wisdom to these children God has entrusted to me. Yet, I feel Him whispering to me every day "Let go". Oh how I long to hold on and never let go.

Congratulations Buddy! I'm so proud of you! Please watch your speed, watch for deer, don't pick up hitchhikers, don't keep the stereo too loud, NO drifting, and always remember--your mommy loves you so much!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Buying the Lie

I stink at science! Plain and simple--it has always been the proverbial thorn in my side. In high school I flunked it 3 times (Yes. 3.). I just didn't 'get it' and even if I could 'get it' the bigger question was always--why would I want it? I knew myself well enough to know that I would never have a job that required me to know science and the knowledge of how useless it would be to me in the future translated in my teenage mind to "Science is hard! I can't do it! Science is stupid!"

When my advisor at Crown sent me the list of classes for the Spring semester and I saw that Biology was listed panic immediately set in. However, I had done so well in my previous classes that I thought, possibly, I may be overreacting. As the class started and I began to survey the work I realized that I was absolutely right--"Science is hard! I can't do it! Science is stupid!" All the old feelings and fears came flooding back. By the end of the 2nd week of the class I was sure I would have a nervous breakdown. Then He spoke to me........

As I prayed to the Lord He brought to my attention the fact that I had bought into a lie the devil had sold me long ago. While science is definitely tough, it is not stupid and I can do it! I didn't do well in high school because I didn't care to do well. I was busy hanging out with my friends and partying. I never paid attention in class and rarely did my homework, but I am no longer that person; I am a new creation. I began to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ--to Truth! Amazingly enough....the next week was much smoother. The work wasn't any easier, as a matter of fact--it may have been harder, but my outlook was different. I knew that through Christ I could accomplish what He had called me to do. I am going to college because He has called me to this place and He will equip me with all I need.

This week has been extremely hard and I have felt those lies creeping in again. My old attitude is rearing its ugly head and science is beginning to feel 'stupid', but tonight, once again, God reminded me that going back to school has never been about the degree--it's about the journey. It is about me remaining teachable and allowing the Teacher to do His thing. It's about uncovering lies from ages past and breaking free to the truth of my future.

Thank You Lord for the gentle reminders You give me when I am feeling completely overwhelmed. I'm still struggling, but I know You are there....being my Champion. Cheering me on in the race. Thank You for loving me!