For the past couple of years I have had the feeling that God is preparing me for a big change. I have been discontent in my job, yearning to stay home with my kids, and extremely passionate about working with teens. However, no matter how strong these desires were or how discontent I have been with my job, I have stayed put. Feet planted. Stubbornly? I don't think so. Fearfully? definitely. Not fearful of change (well, maybe a little;), but more fearful of being out of God's will for my life. I've been there before and I gotta say.....it's not pretty! Plus, to be completely honest, I just couldn't figure out how in the world I was going to be able to quit my job and stay home with my children. I thought God had given me the answer in this post, but after everything our family went through with Amber, well, I just couldn't go there again. At least, not right now.
As the New Year began I made a promise to God. Not a resolution that was meant to be broke, but a promise that.......I would follow wherever He leads. I would give up anything He asked me to. I would 'drop my net' so to speak and follow Jesus. I knew 3 things for sure: 1) I was to quit my job 2) I was to stay home with my children 3) I am to work with the youth. I couldn't imagine how this was going to happen. However, God did whisper a few words of encouragement.....something along the lines of......."Nothing is going to happen if you never step out and trust me." Ahem. OK. Sooooooo....maybe He had a point.
I set May as my deadline for quitting my job. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew that I couldn't do anything else while working 40 hours a week. I planned to get a part time job in May, but I have to be honest....I just couldn't figure out how it would work. I am struggling to make it right now, working full time. I decided not to worry about it and handed that part over to the One it belongs to. God has been extremely faithful in providing for our family. I knew He would make this happen. I also filled out a FAFSA (student grant/loan) application so I could begin online classes in June. Then, I layed everything in His hands. I didn't know when and I couldn't have imagined how, but I knew He would provide.
Last Monday I received a phone call from my daughters paternal grandparents. Their business' have not been doing well and they called to tell me that they would have to sell my house. I was devastated. The tears began to flow as I thought about the memories we have built in that home. Where are we going to live? What are we going to do? I called my folks and told them and sent out a prayer request to my small group. We had to be out of the house by March 31st. That gave me right around 2 months to find a place and move.....in the worst part of winter.
As I began to wallow in self pity, I received an email from my mom. She gently, lovingly reminded me of the prayers I had been praying to God. She told me that her and my dad had been talking and that they had a plan to make room for the kiddo's and I to stay with them. Since I would have no bills, this would allow me to quit my job, stay home with my kiddo's, and go to school. The tears began to flow again. This time, in awe of my God Who had been patiently waiting for me to drop my net and truly follow Him.
The other day, a friend from church stopped by the office. She wanted to get auto insurance for her son. As we chatted, I told her that I planned on leaving the insurance company in May. Turns out that she is in need of a personal assistant.....starting in May. The work will be part time and the biggest majority of it.....I will be able to do from home. I gave my notice to my boss a couple of days ago and plan on April 30th being my last day.
I am still sad about losing the house that I have loved for so long. However, the joy of being able to fulfill God's will for my life is far outweighing the sadness. He is teaching me to let go of the temporary things of this world and to run after the things that will last. With every step I take He confirms that His hand is over me and that I am making the right choice. He is so intimate.
I love you, Lord. I Thank You for all You have given, but I praise You for all You have taken. You are so good.