Friday, April 8, 2011

Not-So-Little Man


On March 22nd my little man turned 18 years old! As I reflected on the day of his birth I remembered just how badly I wanted a son. I already had Samantha and I longed for a little boy. The doctors were pretty sure I was going to have a boy, but wouldn't give me a 100% guarantee. Still, I knew.

The labor and delivery were pretty rough, but when I saw Josh for the first time I was completely in love. I remember fearing that I wouldn't be able to love him the way I loved Samantha. I already loved her so much that I just couldn't imagine loving another child. However, his chubby cheeks and turned up nose melted my heart and I knew this boy was going to hold my heart in his hands. And, he still does.

He has grown into an amazing young man with a perfect balance of book knowledge and street smarts. His sense of humor can send me into hysterical laughter at the most inopportune times and, my one of my favorite things about him--he can be a bit O.C.D. While I am not always proud of my own O.C.D. tendencies, I love seeing myself in him. A reminder that no matter where we are--there is always a piece of me with him and vice versa.

We have walked some tough roads together and we have walked some tough roads apart. I have cried out to God on this child's behalf more times than I can count. Yet, we have a God ordained bond that binds us regardless of distance--physically or emotionally. I praise God for that bond every day as I am painfully aware that it is only by His grace that it exists. Paths that were taken could have created a gap so wide that it could have never been bridged.

My son is now a not-so-little man. He is graduating in a few weeks and will join the Marines shortly after. I will continue to cry out to God on this child's behalf more times than I can count as I learn to let him go and watch him navigate this life without me by his side.

Josh-
I love you more than you know. Someday, when you have children of your own, you will understand the depth of my love for you. It has been my honor and privilege to be your mommy and I am so thankful God chose me for you. I pray that you will love God with everything you have and allow Him to shape you to look more like Him every day. Nothing you will ever do in all of your life will ever be as important as following God. I love you Buddy!

Lord-
Thank you for my son. He has brought me great joy and great heartache throughout the years--and I wouldn't trade a moment. Thank you for the bond you have given us and for watching over him. I know he is safe because of You and You alone! Please continue to protect him in every way and grow him to be a strong spiritual leader for his own family someday. I love You, Lord. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray.....Amen.


5 comments:

Nikki Graham said...

I cannot help but cry as I read this. Being the mom of two amazing children myself I have been made quickly aware of how time flies by in the blink of an eye. However, it's not only the mommy in me that brings tears to my eyes while reading this post. It's also the ahntie in me. I know I've only known Joshy for a couple years of his 18, but I feel like I have loved him for each one of those 18. I am blessed to have him call me ahntie. Joshy is an incredible young man-one who not only knows how to love, but also how to show it. He takes time for others and knows how to bring a smile to their faces. He takes time to "hang" with 9 year old boys who need some "buddy" time. I love my nephew, Joshy. I am proud of him, and I am proud to call him my nephew! :)

Heather said...

Awwwww!!! You almost made ME cry! No small feat!

YES! Time flies! I will be walking this road with YOU in not-so-many years:(

I am so thankful that Josh has such an amazing Ahntie who loves him so much!! AND..I am SOOOO thankful to have you in MY life:)

Thank you for loving ALL of my kiddos the way you do! We love you soooo much!!!!

Dena E's Blog said...

Yep Lady, found it real quick , Wooohoooo!!!

This is a AWESOME post btw... How proud you are, and rightly so!!!

Us Mom's are soooo crazy about our kids.. Praise the LORD, in all things...
Keep up your Blessed Mommying..
And yep, I know thats really not a word...
May you know the Blessings from God above, all His Promises and un~ending, unconditional LOVE~~~
Hugs and Prayers Dena

Feel HIS Presence!!!

Heather said...

Hi Dena,

So glad you found my blog! I am looking forward to reading yours:)

LOVE the word 'mommying'!! It should definitely be a word! LOL!

Hugs and love my friend!

Kathy said...

I am at that place now watching my last child grow into a young woman - graduating from High School - so very blessed by my three children - time does go by so very fast! Beautiful post - touched my heart!
Kathy