There are times when I can see God's footprints so clearly in my life. Each step begs me to follow and as I step into that giant print He leaves, I am always reminded of just how small I am compared to my God. I am also left in awe as I realize He intentionally leaves those footprints for me to walk in. So, I follow along.....skipping excitedly, on fire, full of passion, and completely humbled in His presence.....praising Him all the way! Then there are times like now. Days when I squint as hard as I can, yet can't seem to find His footprints. Moments when His presence feels so far away and completely unreachable. And all I can do is lay at the foot of the cross--speechless.....praising Him.
Life is a little tough right now. I'm not good with emotions and I have a LOT of them. I'm struggling with forgiveness....not the forgiveness I have been given, but the forgiveness I am called to give...and questioning the call that God has placed on my life. How can I serve Him if I can't do what He commands me to do? Has He really called me to ministry when I am so flawed? It feels futile asking that question when I know the answer. Yet, I ask anyway and am reminded through His Word that He can still use me....just not now.
I resigned as a youth leader today.
I have sat here for the past few minutes reading those words over and over. The sadness overwhelms me, yet so does His peace. My heart praises Him, but my voice is silent as I offer Him the only thing I can.....my everything.
My hurt, my pride, my joy, my stubborness, my tears, my unbelief, my lack of faith, my insecurity, my fear,.............my everything.
"He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor" Isaiah 61:1-3