I stink at science! Plain and simple--it has always been the proverbial thorn in my side. In high school I flunked it 3 times (Yes. 3.). I just didn't 'get it' and even if I could 'get it' the bigger question was always--why would I want it? I knew myself well enough to know that I would never have a job that required me to know science and the knowledge of how useless it would be to me in the future translated in my teenage mind to "Science is hard! I can't do it! Science is stupid!"
When my advisor at Crown sent me the list of classes for the Spring semester and I saw that Biology was listed panic immediately set in. However, I had done so well in my previous classes that I thought, possibly, I may be overreacting. As the class started and I began to survey the work I realized that I was absolutely right--"Science is hard! I can't do it! Science is stupid!" All the old feelings and fears came flooding back. By the end of the 2nd week of the class I was sure I would have a nervous breakdown. Then He spoke to me........
As I prayed to the Lord He brought to my attention the fact that I had bought into a lie the devil had sold me long ago. While science is definitely tough, it is not stupid and I can do it! I didn't do well in high school because I didn't care to do well. I was busy hanging out with my friends and partying. I never paid attention in class and rarely did my homework, but I am no longer that person; I am a new creation. I began to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ--to Truth! Amazingly enough....the next week was much smoother. The work wasn't any easier, as a matter of fact--it may have been harder, but my outlook was different. I knew that through Christ I could accomplish what He had called me to do. I am going to college because He has called me to this place and He will equip me with all I need.
This week has been extremely hard and I have felt those lies creeping in again. My old attitude is rearing its ugly head and science is beginning to feel 'stupid', but tonight, once again, God reminded me that going back to school has never been about the degree--it's about the journey. It is about me remaining teachable and allowing the Teacher to do His thing. It's about uncovering lies from ages past and breaking free to the truth of my future.
Thank You Lord for the gentle reminders You give me when I am feeling completely overwhelmed. I'm still struggling, but I know You are there....being my Champion. Cheering me on in the race. Thank You for loving me!