Power in the Shower

For several years I spent my mornings praying in the shower. In a house that was busy with the hustle and bustle of a morning routine, the shower was my only solitude. It was a wonderful way to start my day--I emerged from the shower feeling refreshed physically, mentally, and Spiritually. However, as homeschooling slowed down the morning pace and, especially after I left my job, my morning meetings with God became less frequent--until they stopped altogether.

This morning it dawned on me how much I miss those mornings. I miss hearing the kiddos running around and getting ready for school and all of the little conversations that took place. But, more importantly, I miss my quiet time with God. Even though I try hard to find quiet time throughout the day to spend with Him--it's not the same. The truth is--our lives have changed. We no longer have to spring out of bed and into action. As a matter of fact, often our days are spent in pajama's as we do our school work. That is one of the perks of schooling at home. However, this morning as I prepared to take a shower I felt a strong desire to spend time with God in our old meeting place.

I emerged from my shower this morning feeling refreshed and invigorated after spending some much needed alone time with my Savior. I laid some things at His feet that I had been holding onto and found a familiar comfort as the water washed over me in my make-shift Sanctuary--and I walked away with the realization that this would be the most important part of my day.

My life has changed dramatically over the past several years, but there are some things that need to remain the same--and my morning time with God is definitely one of them.

Lord, I loved our time together this morning. I love You.

Welcome Home...

I love vacations! I enjoy being away from home and sleeping in hotels. I don't know if it is the knowledge that there is a maid who will come clean up my mess or just a change of scenery, but either way--I love them! Even short hotel stays are exciting to me. Perhaps I just need to get out more:) However, what I love even more is coming home. Even though I may dread the end of a trip once I get close to home I can feel the excitement of familiarity begin to wash over me. I begin to daydream about sleeping in my own bed and being surrounded with the things that help make our house a home. The most luxurious hotel room could never compete with warmth and comfort of my own home.

I have been under the weather for the past week and because I have a hard time concentrating when I am not feeling well, I have not been reading my Bible. Last night, as I got ready for bed, I had an overwhelming desire to spend time in the Word of God. I picked up my Bible and turned to where I had left off a week ago--1 Thessalonians 3. I had only intended to read a chapter because I was exhausted, but once I started I just could not stop. I felt a warmth of familiarity wash over me and it took me only a moment to realize that God was welcoming me home.

As I settled in to sleep I was overwhelmed by His presence and in awe of how readily He awaits us. I thanked Him for drawing me close and for making His familiar Word feel fresh and new--and I thanked Him for always being there to welcome me home when I have been away.

Goodbye 2010...Hello 2011

As I reflect on 2010 it feels as though it went by so quickly--like it was a mere flash of the camera. There are various snapshots of events that flood my mind, like: Samantha's graduation, our family vacation at the lake, Jordan's 13th birthday(and official entrance into the 'teens'), the Beth Moore conference with my Bible study group, and Josh's surgery and Civil Air Patrol promotions. Many of those events held both laughter and tears, but each one is cherished as 2010 ends and 2011 begins--and as I continue to reflect I am amazed at how God has worked in my life.

2010 found important friendships strengthened and other ones dissolved as God revealed the importance of having godly women in my life, but exercising caution as to who those women are. God has taught me that emotions cannot be suppressed forever and that showing emotion does not equal weakness. He also taught me that age has no meaning in His Kingdom as He used a young girl to show me the importance of listening to others and to help mend the strained relationship between my youngest daughter and myself. Above all--God used 2010 to help heal my heart of deep wounds that occurred the year before. Even though they continue to hurt at times, I can feel them closing with each passing day. It is a new year! The old has gone and takes with it anything I am willing to let go of.

In 2011 I choose to let go of past hurts. I choose to focus on the people in my life who love me and encourage me and take any focus off those who don't. I choose to be a better friend and to love others the way Christ commands me to. I choose to listen more than I speak and to not take out my frustrations on my family just because I know they will love me no matter what. I choose to take time out to notice the little insignificant things that mean more than I realize. Most importantly--in 2011 I choose to seek Christ with my whole heart and to not get caught up in the temporal things of this world. I choose to be set apart for the life God has called me to and focus on the path He has been leading me down.

Lord-Thank You for 2010 and all that You taught me and allowed me to experience. The slate feels so clean with twelve fresh months ahead, but as You have shown me tonight--those months go by quickly. Help me to stay focused on You and Your will.

Heart Smiles

Sometimes my kiddos just crack me up! Particularly Sam and Josh. They are close in age, relationship, and sense of humor--needless to say this sparks some interesting banter. I remember waking up one morning to them arguing about whether Donald and Daisy Duck were a couple...and they were serious. They both had some valid points and it is still unclear as to who won, but it was definitely fun!

Last night, this is the conversation that ensued between my two very spirited children:

Josh-"So, do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?"

Sam- *laughs*

Josh- "Well, do they Sam?"

Sam- "What?! I get the full effect!!!"

Josh- "I love how she doesn't say "Hey! I can read!", but instead says she gets the full effect!!"

Oh how I love the kiddos that God has given me. They bless me in so many ways and simply make my heart smile.

Sam, Josh, and Jordan- I love you more than you could possibly know. I have so many cherished memories and moments with you. I watch other teenagers talk horribly to their parents and about their parents and I realize how blessed I am.

Lord- Thank You for giving me these wonderful beings that You knit together within me!

New Decade....

Wow! I am always amazed when I look at my last blog and realize how long it has been since I have written. There are so many things going on and God is teaching me so much that I should be writing every day. However, the day gets busy and at the end of it I think "I will do it tomorrow" only...tomorrow never seems to come--until today:)

Where do I start? Well, maybe with my 40th birthday. EEK! Am I really that old? The calendar says "YES!" and my body definitely says "YES!", but in my mind I am still in my very early 30's. The thirties were a great decade for me because that is when I found Christ. Every year after that has been filled with growth as I have learned to have faith, joy, and hope in all circumstances and learned to accept God's unconditional Love. I am looking forward to my forties as I know God has so much more to teach me and I am looking forward to becoming more like Him every day.

I celebrated my 40th birthday with my family and some close friends. It was very low key and I was thankful. I was very nervous that my family and friends would do something horrific...like a surprise party complete with black "Over the Hill" balloons, but the day went by fairly uneventful and I let out a sigh of relief as I went to bed that evening. Grateful to God for the amazing life He has given me and shuddering at the thought of how I would have spent the day if I had never found Him. However--my sigh of relief was short lived.

On Friday night I walked over to Brett and Heather's house for game night with Travis and Nikki and as we approached the door I heard a large group yell "SURPRISE!" My first instinct was to run, but my son quickly, and sternly, told me "You're going in!" Travis's 30th birthday was Sunday so I was sure the party was for him and I was kinda mad nobody had told me. As it turns out....it was for both of us.

I hate parties like that. Well, I love them for other people, but I hate them for me; I despise being the center of attention. However, I couldn't be mad. As I sat there looking around at all the people I was completely humbled by how God had blessed me with such amazing family and friends.

Lord, I know I am undeserving of all that you give me--especially my family and friends. I thank You for them and pray that You will help me to show them how much I love them and appreciate them. I am looking forward to these next 10 years Lord and pray that above all things.....I fall more and more in love with You!

Crush!

When you live in the Midwest, especially smaller towns in the Midwest, you get used to seeing a fair amount of roadkill while traveling the highways. And I don't know what it is about roadkill, but I just can't help but stare at it. Perhaps it is the mystery of trying to figure out what kind of animal it is or maybe it is the excitement of the possibility of seeing an animal that is not indigenous to this area. Whatever the case may be--I cannot look away until I have examined it.

As my son and I were driving to Omaha one day I could see a familiar lump in the road. I was pretty close to it when I noticed it and thought it was a cat or a coon, so I moved the car to the left so I wouldn't hit. Just as the car came up on it my eyes began to make out the shape--it was a turtle! And...just as the car started to go over it--he MOVED!

I anxiously told my son what I had seen as I was maneuvering my vehicle to the side of the road. He hadn't seen it and thought for sure that it was probably dead. I made a, very illegal, U-turn in the middle of the highway and went back towards the scene of the crime.

As we approached the little guy my son was convinced he was dead. He wasn't moving and there was a large, gaping hole in the back of his shell. However, as a semi passed over him he panicked and started to move. The thought of this little guy just sitting on the hot pavement with vehicles whizzing over him, and possibly hitting him, was nearly bringing me to tears. I couldn't do nothing, so I called a friend who worked with wildlife.

Well, apparently a turtle with a gaping hole in his back does not have a good prognosis and is not worth coming to pick up. But, I just could not leave him. I begged my son to do something--just get him off the road. So, Josh looked in the back of the car and found something to put over his hands and cautiously walked onto the highway.

As he drew closer to the turtle he could see that the wound was pretty bad. Considering this was probably a snapping turtle, Josh had to be careful and grab him as far back on the shell as he could so he would not get bit. He lifted the turtle and ran to the side of the road--placing him in a ditch, out of the sun, and covered with tall grass. My hero!

As we drove away I knew that the turtle would probably die, but I felt so much better knowing it would not be in the middle of the highway. I was proud of my son for caring enough to appease his mom, but also realized that his careful placement of the turtle had nothing to do with me--it was the tugging of his own heartstrings.

On our return trip home that day, as we approached the spot where the turtle was, we began to reminisce about the event once more. Josh told me to slow down and pull over when we got to the exact place, because he wanted to get out and check on the turtle. My heart sighed as I realized what an amazing heart he has.

As he got back in the vehicle he said--"He's gone mom! I looked around, but he is gone." While I knew he probably hobbled off to die, I couldn't help but hope that someday we would encounter a turtle with a large scar on his back. Josh and I chuckled at the prospect and I referred to our little friend as "Tippy". Josh didn't care for that name much, so I challenged him to come up with a better name--to which he promptly replied "Crush" from Finding Nemo. We both cracked up at how appropriate that name was for our little guy.

Lord, thank you for the events of that day! Thank you for allowing my son to have such a kind heart and for allowing Crush to be gone. Whether he lived or died is Your knowledge alone, but it allowed for a precious memory between a mom and her son. You are so good.

It's Been a Year....Literally and Figuratively

It has been a year since my son moved back home and we have definitely experienced some ups and downs. I knew it would be quite a transition for him to move from California back to small town Iowa, but what I didn't realize is what a transition it would be for the girls and I. In case I wasn't sure prior to his leaving, upon his return my suspicions are absolutely confirmed--boys and girls are not the same!

Prior to Josh returning home, a day out with the girls consisted of going shopping with a definite trip to Bath and Body Works. Now, we still go shopping, but there is a definite trip to either Bass Pro Shop or Canfields. I actually like Bass Pro, but Canfields, well, that is a military surplus shop and is heavy laden with testosterone. Not exactly my favorite place....for more than one reason.

Josh is a Senior this year, so over the past year we have talked a lot about his future. When he arrived in Iowa last August he was unsure of what he wanted to do. He began to work for a friend of ours who has a farm and for a bit he toyed with the idea of becoming a farmer. I couldn't have been happier. Not just because that profession would keep my son close to home, but because when Josh was little I was sure he was going to be a farmer. He loved tractors, country music, and cornbread--all the ingredients needed to become one. But......it seems that God may have other plans for him.

Since returning to Iowa Josh became involved in C.A.P. (Civil Air Patrol), which is an auxiliary of the Air Force. Josh has always been fascinated by planes, guns, tanks--you know, all the loud things that boys like and he had definitely talked about going in the military for a brief time when he was really young and wanted to be an astronaut--before he realized that rollercoasters scared the tar out of him. However, going to C.A.P. seemed to have set off a spark that ignited a passion to serve in our armed forces. Suddenly, joining the military was back on the table as a possibility after graduation. I was glad he was keeping his mind open and exploring different options. Then, about two months ago, while on a mother/son date, we were walking through Canfields and I saw a sweatshirt that said "Marine Mom". I jokingly said "If you join the military I am definitely getting a sweatshirt!". My son's response left me speechless: "Mom, it's not a matter of if I join--it's just a matter of which branch I join." Suddenly, my heart soared and sank at the same time.

I have always been very proud of the country I live in. I get emotional when patriotic songs are played and understand that this country has always maintained its freedom with the cost of the blood, sweat, tears, and lives of those who fight for it. I do not take their sacrifice lightly and I pray for them often. I have seen parents who are upset because their children want to go into the military and I could never understand it--what an honor it is to have your son choose to go and fight for the country he loves. Yet, as I think about my own son joining the military I feel sick to my stomach.

Perhaps I would feel better if he would go into the Nuke program the Navy has offered him, but my son does not want to be trapped on an aircraft carrier 6 months out of the year--and I understand that. What I don't understand and probably never will is--my son wants to go to combat. He wants to fight--whether it is for the Marines or a special ops team like the Navy Seals or S.W.C.C. (Special Warfare Combatant-Craft Crewman)--he wants to fight. And, my heart hurts just thinking about it!

Lord- I know that this boy was never mine. You loaned Him to me to raise, but He has always belonged to You. Please guide Him as he makes a decision that will forever change his life. Please illuminate the road of the path that leads to You and Your will for his life. And please help me to let go. In the name of Christ Jesus I pray. Amen.....

Soli Deo Gloria