Friday, April 4, 2008

Cry Of My Heart

My mom reads my blog, so I hesitate in writing this because she is sooooo going to 'freak out'! But...it wouldn't be me if I didn't give her, at least, one thing a day to worry about, so here goes:

I want a baby! I have wanted a baby for the past couple of years, but I have brushed it aside because of, well let's see.....

I am 38 years old, I am physically unable to conceive a child, I am a single mother to 4 children already (including 3 stinky teenagers), I am poor (monetarily speaking), AND.....well....the children God has already given me, let's just say, they can be challenging.

Now, it could be just because I have been blessed to be around quite a few pregnant women (both in the flesh and through the blogosphere) lately and the smell of fresh, newborn baby has lodged itself permanently in my nostrils. However, I believe my desire to have a baby is more than a fleeting thought.

I have been blessed, beyond belief, that God has given me 4 beautiful, precious children (Yes! Even the stinky teenagers:) and I don't want to be selfish. But.....it is definitely the cry of my heart to have more. They don't even have to be babies. Although, a baby would thrill me.

So, God, if you're listening (which I know you are:), may Your will be done.

Sorry mom....it's out of my hands now!


****NOTE:

I feel like I need to post a disclaimer letting you all know that my mom is a great woman who has supported (reluctantly at times:) my desire to trust and follow God's plans for my life.
Even when that meant adding another branch to our family tree. BUT.....

She is a mom at heart and always worries when she thinks I am getting in over my head. She has learned over the last 4 years, as I have, that even when it looks like I am drowning, God lifts my head and breathes life into me. Still, she worries! Thank God! She wouldn't be my mom if she didn't.

I love you mom!!!

9 comments:

Susan said...

Your mom is a wonderful mom. You have to remember we are all going to be in her shoes someday. I love babies and if God has given you this desire then he will figure it ou. I want another one and I'm not even through this pregnancy yet. How crazy is that.

Indian Lake Papa said...

This is papa - mama loves babies, even though her child bearing years are gone. When we get back to Michigan soon she will work each Sunday in the nursery with newborns to two years old. She would hug you Heather and tell you to trust Jesus. Remember, when you committed your life to Him He gets to pick the path He wants you to walk - look! He is right there in front of you! Just trust and follow!

Anonymous said...

Heather,I do know your heart and I know that you put all your faith in God. If it is meant to be it will be and in his time. I will stand by you always and try and worry just a little, you also know where my heart is and I will love and be a a grandma to how ever many childern you have. I love you and I'm so proud of the person you are. For me to worry is just what I do as a mother, and you do understand that and just let me do it without saying much, thank you. I Love You to the Moon and Back Mom

Feathering My Nest said...

I agree that the Lord will lead you and guide you perfectly. Many times He does this through desires we have. God will fulfill you and never leave you empty. God bless you Heather.

Kathi

Tanya said...

Heather I totally understand what you are saying. I am almost 38 and I physically can not have a baby either. This is so laid on my heart for a long time. But, God is so big, bigger than we can even imagine. And through prayer and the word, He will guide us. He knows our heart and He knows our desires. Your gave it to God, now let him to the rest. God bless you, love Tanya

Darla said...

go see my post "For Indian Papa" there are ways through the Steven Curtis Chapman foundation that help people to adopt there are funds waiting to help...praying for you in this...I miss that smell and little smiles too...GOd knows I still have my hands way to full, but I am considering at least fostering. Added you to my blogroll!

Sharon said...

Oh, when a woman's heart aches for a baby, it can be painful! When my youngest was around 4 years old, oh boy, I started wanting another baby. I physically cannot have any more babies and my husband did not feel the same way, so I just prayed about it. I often prayed that a miracle would happen and I would get pregnant or that someone would leave a baby on our doorstep, but alas, those things did not happen. Now, ten years later, I am thankful we did not have any more children. I would not be a good mother to a ten year old now, I simply do not have the energy that I had for the other kids. I often feel bad for Hayden that at age 14, he does not get the energetic mother that his older brother's had when they were 14. God filled my heart with other things and I eventually got over those feelings. Now, my oldest is engaged and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! I just might be a gramma in 2 to 3 years and that will be awesome!!!

Best wishes to you! I pray for God's will in your life.

~ Sharon

Heidi said...

At 41, I have wished for a baby once again too, but then I look at my teenagers and my 7 year old and think to myself, could I give them all their neccessities, time, money, and comfort if I was to provide for one more. For me, that decision turned to a no. I think my necessity for a new baby FOR ME was the neccessity of having something "new" in my life. A sense of rebirth.
Heather, you are doing the most important thing, your laying it on God's altar for His decision...
Praying and loving you ~ Heidi

Robin said...

Hi Heather,

I see some of the questions I asked are answered in this blog entry.