Monday, June 16, 2008

A Post I Shall Live To Regret.

You know how sometimes you take certain things for granted and you don't even wonder why it's there or how it's made or where it comes from? Well, I found out, the hard way, that you should NEVER do that. It may cause you to look like an idiot. The following is a conversation that took place between my mom, my aunt, and I on Saturday.

My uncle was sitting at the table eating a hamburger with bread and butter pickles. My mom and my aunt began discussing how their moms used to make their own bread and butter pickles and how good they were. Then things went South:

Aunt- 'I used to jar pickles myself. I would just take some cucumbers and.....'

Me- (sitting quietly. With a puzzled look on my face.)

Mom- 'Oh, yea. My mom used take cucumbers and.....'

Me- (Thinking out loud...unfortunately) 'Pickles are made from cucumbers????'

Mom- (the lady who brought me into this world) Laughing! 'Yes! You didn't know that???'

Me- 'NO! I thought pickles were pickles.'

OK. There was lots more to this conversation. ALL at my expense. Like when I asked about the giant pickles at the state fair and my mother replied 'still CUCUMBERS'! And when my mother shouted, literally, while laughing, that I was 38 (which I am NOT, by the way) and I should KNOW what a pickle is! My argument was that the jars don't say 'Pickled Cucumbers' they just say 'Pickles' which is really false advertisement. It leads you to believe that Pickles are different than cucumbers. Doesn't it? I just thought there were pickle vineyards somewhere.

So, I thought surely I can't be the only one who didn't know that. I decided to pick up the cell phone and ask the one person that I knew, for sure, wouldn't know that a pickle is a 11 year old daughter, Jordan:

Me- 'Hi sweetie! What is a cucumber?'

Jordan- 'Um. A vegetable?'

Me- (Yes!!! She obviously has NO idea:) 'Yes. It is. (Confidently) Do you know what else they are?'

Jordan- 'Um. No. Well....yea. They're pickles.'

Me- (Astounded) 'WHAT? How do you know that?'

Jordan- 'Grandpa told me!'

Yea. Apparently my DAD decided to share his wealth of cucumber information with his grandchildren and NOT his daughter. Hmmm. He must have decided to let that tidbit of wisdom skip a generation. Thanks, dad! (insert eye roll here)

I decided to call my kiddo's dad. I can usually dazzle him with my knowledge, so this was a pretty safe call:

Me- 'Hey Eddie. What is a pickle?' (smiling slyly. Waiting to dazzle him with more knowledge)

Eddie- 'A cucumber. Why?'

Me- (Sheepishly and wanting to slide under the table as my aunt and mom are still laughing) 'No reason. Just wanted to know if you knew that.'

Eddie- 'Yea. I knew that. Did you?' (Why did he have to ask that?)

Me- (Really wanting to lie) 'Yea. I know'.

Eddie- 'Oh my gosh! You're kidding me. You didn't know that? The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?'

Me- (In the most loving, Christian tone I could muster) 'Shut UP! What do you mean?'

Eddie- 'Well, it's funny you should ask about pickles. I took your daughter to dinner last night and there were cucumbers on her salad. She said she doesn't like cucumbers so I asked her if she liked pickles. She said 'Yea. why?' I told her that pickles were made from cucumbers and she couldn't believe it.'

OK. Well, maybe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but nobody can blame me for not teaching her. I can't teach what I don't know..........MOM AND DAD!

After that I decided to call my daughter, Amber. She was my last hope. Um. Yea. All hope is gone. She knew, too. I hung up before she could really make fun of me.

Really. Still astonished. Who knew cucumbers were pickles? Did YOU? (Praying. Right now. That there is ONE of YOU who did not know this).

Oh, and when you get done rolling on the floor, try to remember to be kind with your comments. I am still in shock over this whole thing. Really. I am.


Robin said...

You are so cute :)

I grew up on a farm (pre-parents divorce) and my dad liked to make pickles so we knew this one from living it.

I just asked my 8 year old daughter what a pickle was and she looked at me and said with a strange look on her face - its a cucumber. Why do you ask? I said I was just wanting to know if you knew.

There is NOTHING like a fresh cucumber straight from the garden or fresh tomatoes or okay fresh anything beats anything you can buy in the grocery store...

Heather said...

@Robin- I love how your comment starts out all nice 'you are so cute' and then you stick the knife in my back with 'I just asked my 8 year old daughter and she looked at me with a strange face-it's a cucumber'! You are supposed to HAVE my back!!! I still love ya, though:)

Indian Lake Papa said...

We use to raise pre-pickles (cucumbers) commercially and I watched my mother make them. Do you know what Dill is ??? This is funny!

Carol - CDCversion said...

I stopped by....I read...I enjoyed. Can't say if I knew that pickles come from cucumbers or not...I never thought about it! My grandmother and mom used to cut up cucumbers and put salt and pepper and vinegar on them...maybe something else, I don't know...and I did NOT like to eat them. All the other kinds of pickles we bought fromt the store. I do know this...relish is chopped up pickles...I think. How did I do?

Robin said...

Sorry Heather - no plan to draw blood :) but I still think you're cute :)

Seriously, I did wonder if my daughter knew... oh wait here's my five year old son... gotta check him...

He didn't know. He said a pickle is a pickle. But now he knows :) I'll have to ask him again tomorrow to see if he remembers.

Funny story about veggies...

When my daughter was two we were having dinner with my brother and his wife and the server brought the salads out. I asked my daughter if she wanted a tomato off my salad and she looked at me with a concerned look on her face and said, "Is that Bob?" (as in Bob the Tomato from Veggie Tales). I assured her that it wasn't and there was no relation before we cracked up laughing at her expense. So don't feel bad, I even laughed WITH my two year old.

Remember I need to laugh :) You know most of the time it's me causing me either to laugh or hide my head in shame (embarrassment). Yesterday's falling in the church parking lot was great fun... You know the real issue - I'll go ahead and shame myself in public was that I was wearing knee highs (since panty hose aren't working on my preggo belly) and several people got a good view of them. I thought I was safe with the skirt down to my ankles...

I could go on and on with embarrassing stories, but I'll save myself some shame :)

Robin said...


Speaking of relish... My Gramma makes an amazing relish (well everything she makes is amazing) with zucchini, red sweet peppers,
green sweet peppers, onions, and garlic.

Oh man... I want some NOW!!! But I must suffer...

Susan said...

Heather, this one was great. It is truly hard for me to believe that you didn't know this little fact. Thanks for making me laugh today.
love , Susan

BittersweetPunkin said...


That reminds me of when my cousin announced that she realized that windshield wipers were made to keep the rain off the window....LOL
Very cute post!

Lori... said...

This one had me ROFL!!!!! (hysterically)

I didn't know that pickles were cucumbers either. Uuntil I was FIVE ;)

Did you know catsup/ketchup is made from tomatoes??? Hey I had to ask, to spare you from any more humiliation in future canning conversations.

Love ya Sister!

Indian Lake Papa said...

Heather - you know that potatoes grow on vines just like cucumbers - right?? Or on a tree?? Heather, this is so much fun !!! Love you!!! We once went to friends house for popcorn - her popper was broke so she was going to use an open frying pan!

Heather said...

Oh, it's hard to believe I consider you 'friends'!! ;) I hope you are enjoying these chuckles. I know I certainly would if it had been one of YOU!

Papa- LOVE the popcorn story!! Reminds me a story about the kiddo's. Maybe I will post about it. Hmmm. I love you and mama, too!

Lori- KNEW you would love this post! YES! I know about catsup/ketchup! Love ya~

Susan- Glad you got a good laugh today. I now you could use it. Love ya!

Carol- SEE! THAT'S what I'm sayin! I never thought about it. They were just 'pickles'. I knew we were sisters!! Love ya!

Punkin- LOVE that your cousin didn't know what windsheild wipers were for! Makes me feel better! HUGS!

Robin- You're a good mom for telling your son what pickles are. This will avoid a future blog post for him!!! I am sorry that everyone saw your knee-hi's! That does stink! However, the fact that your pregnant and your fall could've really hurt the baby....well....that helps with the humiliation factor because nobody (I would hope) would laugh at you. If it were would've been in the Church Newsletter! :) Love ya!

Robin said...

Thanks Heather - I need all the publicity I can get??? haha I generally do a good enough job humiliating myself that help isn't needed :) But I can laugh with them most of the time...

Hope you are having a great day - and hey have some cucumbers - they are probably better for you than pickles - less salt ;)

That One Guy said...

hey Heather its Jeff I just posted stuff on my blog!i know! finally!

brainteaser said...


I love your post. :-) Hehehehe. you cracked me up. It's not because you don't know cucumber = pickle, but how you wrote your experience/thoughts.

In my country, we also have papaya pickles, carrot pickles, etc. ;-)

Hope that helps. ;-)

Heather said...

@that one guy- Um. I'm sorry. WHO is this? I'm not sure if I remember a Jeff that blogs. Oh, wait. Maybe vaguely familiar. I think the last time I saw anything from him was DECEMBER! ;) You know you LOVE ME!

@Brain Teaser- Thanks for stopping by! Where are you from? I can't imagine all those pickle choices! I'll be checking out your blog, soon! Blessings to you!

brainteaser said...

Hello, Heather!

Forgot to tell you I'm from the Philippines.


And I'm off to you archives.